[anu verma]

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

[chanda_s]

so sometimes its better not to 'help' people. that would make them better equipped to help their own selves. nice thoughts anuverma.

[anu verma]

Shekhar sir, I think we have to help everybody....but,sometimes when we do not receive help asked for,we could recall this story and move ahead through our struggles,through our lives.....helping or not helping is left to one's discretion bound on the situations,time and attitude.Its totally a personal responsibilty,it cannot be forced.It is part of one's individual nature.It cannot be expected from everybody and at all the time.

"No man or woman of the humblest sort can really be strong, gentle and good, with out the world being better for it,with out somebody being helped and comforted by the very existence of that goodness".

This story has always inspired and encouraged me.That is because God has his own ways of keeping things intact...its we humans who always gets curious and poke into things which is out of our control.We very well know to mess with things but find it hard to put it back in to its natural state.And in the process we think we are contributing much to society....we even add a tag to ourselves that we are helping...Its God alone who knows what is ignorant and what is perfect with in us.....This is what I personally think.

Here iam adding one more stimulating story...hope it touches the chord within us all....
I know it is not civil service syllabus,but,may be once in a while its okay....its okay to peep into ourselves....

[anu verma]

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.

[chanda_s]

anu, i really meant what i said in my earlier post. iam sorry if i have sounded different.

i do think there are occassions when people dont really deserve to be helped. its only then that they try and learn to help themselves.

like even here at io.com lot of people ask questions for which they can get answers just by surfing the net for a couple of minutes. but they dont do it and want to be spoon fed. so we tell them to help themselves by looking harder. the longer we help them, the longer they remain dependent.

i guess the best help that can be given to anyone is making one independent and self reliant. thats our motive here too.

there's a sanskrit saying
anna daanam maha daanam; vidya daanam mahattaram.
annena kshanika trupthihi yaavajjeevanthu vidyaya.

it means that giving food to s person is a great donation. but the greatest donation is to give a person education. food gives only momentary satisfaction but education keeps the person in good stead for his entire life.

sometimes in our eagerness to help, we do more damage. as a young kid i wanted to give coins out of my savings to small boys and girls who did nothing but beg in the streets of hyderabad. my father used to tell me that if i give them the coin, they will remain beggars for life. if i say no, they'll learn to work and fend for themselves. that taught me that what i think is 'help' is actually the opposite. by 'helping' them i'm only spoiling them.

these are some hard facts of life. nice of you to have brought them out.

i recollect a wonderful piece of discussion i had recently with a sanyasi of the order of ramakrishna asrama whom i was associated closely in my previous posting. that discussion gave me a whole new understanding of this little word - HELP. may be i'll post it when i'm free.

[anu verma]

Shekhar sir, I appreciate you for being so humble. Actually it is myself who did not understand your words in its proper sense. Iam sorry for it.
yes even I wanted to write about numerous repeated queries asked here at IO...good you mentioned it sir.
Thanks for sharing few thoughts from your childhood...definitely these are some hard facts of life.
Iam eager to read upon more about the discussion with the sanyasi you have mentioned in your earlier post sir.Do post it sometime whenever you are free.

[sivaharimani]

Thats a nice piece of story Anu. Thanks for sharing.
God has his own ways to make us powerful in certain ways which is inbuilt (genetically and naturally). If the living beings once attain and cross over those process which is painfull, then those living beings get the natural real power which God wanted to give us. So, pains and struggles are the means to get the natural(god) power to know and execute our real potential. Thats what i could understand from your story. When it is predetermined by god or nature, then it has also included to restrict the helps from out side in his predetermination, not to destroy the cocoon but to make it powerful. Then only it can be independent. Thats why we are some times not called for helping other, because of its natural predetermination given by god or nature. If we try to do so beyond that, then it(cocoon butterfly and even human beings too) may not get the full power which god planed to give us. I hope my words are agreed with chanda sir's words. thanks for sharing sir.
Any way I enjoyed your story.

In your second story. The moral is really good.

[anu verma]

"When it is predetermined by god or nature, then it has also included to restrict the helps from out side in his predetermination, not to destroy the cocoon but to make it powerful....".

This is such a fantastic understanding siva....I am glad you added more to my awareness.
Thanks buddy for putting it so wonderfully....